Tuesday, January 4, 2011 was my first day back from the Christmas/New Year’s holidays and I did not feel like I had a break from “the grind” for one day let alone almost a week. I had been pretty half-assing the 9-5 for about two weeks leading up to Christmas…you know, like everyone else I work with. And then had almost a week off from both of my jobs during which I saw friends, slept, had beer, had a lot of food, read, watched movies, etc. and now I am just as tired as I was as the end of 2010 was coming to a close.
What is it to actually relax? I am starting to suspect that I am either 1) going about it all wrong, 2) don’t actually know what it is to feel “relaxed”, or 3) am incapable of really throwing my feet up, tossing all my cares away, and just being. I sometimes long for a hammock on a quiet beach surrounded by palm trees, but inevitably I come back to “what would I do there? I would get bored. I can’t just swing back and forth in a hammock all day…” and so on. So I guess for me there has to be some sort of good balance of solitude/quiet and distraction/stuff to do.
So let’s say that I am able to find some sort of tropical getaway that can give me both my hammock and the windsurfing lessons I have been thinking about, the problem then is, who is going to be paying for this little week away? Not me in the current personal financial fiasco I find myself in, that’s for sure.
The more pressing issue then becomes how to relax in my day to day life where I do not have access to oceans and hammocks and fruity blended drinks with the little umbrellas (although I guess I could scare some of these up). Hot baths? Cooking? Yoga? Reading? I feel like I have tried a lot of these suggested ideas and none of them really work. Rather, none of them appealed to me enough to really dedicate myself to them as a source of relaxation and calm. So what now? Give up and resign to a life of being tired? Maybe I need to just start sitting around and staring at a wall for a few hours everyday…maybe then my brain and mind will really sign off and get some rest. I guess I can go give that idea a try…