I have observed that about one-third of my cat’s day is spent grooming/cleaning himself.  I have never actually timed it, but I swear there have been days where he just goes on tirelessly for hours!  That, my friends is dedication.

I am pretty lazy when it comes to self grooming although I am also fairly obsessed with the anxiety-inducing idea that I may have body odor and not know about it.  No one, and I mean NO ONE wants to be that kid.  We have all known that kid and it was never a good scene.  As a side note, one of those kids in high school happened to have a last name which almost always preceded mine on the class roster, so when, for some dumb reason, every teacher got into the habit of assigning seats based on the alphabetical order of the students’ last names, guess who I had to sit beside/behind/in the very near vicinity of?  Yep, Stinky Chris.

This is a picture I found when I googled "stink lines". So for the sake of being able to use it in this post let's assume that this is what Stinky Chris looked like.

But I digress.

When I say that I am lazy about self grooming I don’t mean that I lay around in soiled clothes, don’t brush my teeth, and use Wet Naps instead of having an actual shower.  What I mean is, I try to spend as little time as possible on being presentable.  My morning routine is down to about 20 minutes if I have a shower the night before.  You see, if I had a shower in the morning this would add considerable time to my grooming procedure as this would entail a whole “hair drying” step which would eat up about 10 minutes.  These 10 minutes would have to be allocated from the “sleep as long as possible” fund and that is just not something I am in the habit of doing.

It is crazy to think that an additional 10 minutes of grooming is something that would really put a proverbial bee in my (also proverbial) bonnet, but it does.  It is even crazier to think that these 10 minutes are a mere fraction of the time my cat spends grooming himself.  Is he being inefficient?  Is it all the fur that really requires a solid strategy and a dedicated amount of time?  Is it because his tongue is just so damn little?  Or is it because he does not have the advantage of a loofah and gravitational pull making soaping up and rinsing off a breeze?  There is also a question of opposable thumbs in there somewhere.

Whatever the reason I tip my hat to our feline friends for spending the time to clean themselves so I don’t have to – because that would be another 20 minutes I just can’t spare.

Well done my friend. Well done.



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